Have You Ever...

Have you ever felt that the whole world seems to be on your shoulders, when everyone watches your every move, reprimands all your mistakes, like you’ve done nothing right? Did it ever come to you when the people around you just fail to understand the situation at hand, or when people stop understanding because they just ‘got tired’ of things not turning out the way they want it to be? When you’re so fed up with this entire ruckus, that instead of them helping you they push you some more, you just want to give up?

For almost two months I have not received my allowance being an on-the-job trainee of one of the printer and printer solutions mammoths. It’s already a norm here that OJTs cannot retrieve their first allowance (scheduled every fifteen days), and may instead get it on the second allowance period, maybe longer. Perhaps the reason is that they have to clinch the OJT’s settlement with the company first (which includes his/her benefits, among others), and may take long.

Well that’s fine with me.

When the second payroll period came, I tried to use the ATM card with my peers. They were able to withdraw, but not on my case. It says that "it cannot process my transaction." Oh well. I called the HRD the following day, and they told me that my name's not included on the payroll system rosters (strangely though), but that doesn't mean that my working days will be devoid. It will be counted on the third payroll period.

So I've waited for another fifteen days...

And on the afternoon of May 15, I tried using my card again. Alas, the card's not working again -- not valid, card not found in the system. Gosh. I informed the HRD once again. "Perhaps because we weren't able to give out everyone's salary today because of some uncontrolled circumstances that's why the card didn't work. How about trying it tomorrow morning, and if it still doesn't work, forward your card here and we'll have it replaced." -- that's what the HR personnel told me.

So I was hopeful that the next day I will finally receive my allowance. But to my mishap, I still got the same error message. So I hurriedly went to the HRD to have my card replaced. They told me that I can do an over-the-counter withdrawal, if confirmed that the card's not working by the bank. I need to wait for the HRD's call for the results, which may take a few days.

I went home with a heavy heart. I am just boarding at my Tita Juliana's house, and I haven't paid my dues every since I started living there. I feel hesitant eating my meals with them, that is why I intend to pass meals. However, they have not "nagged" yet about paying our debts, but do I have to wait for that time to come?

All I got when I arrived home were constant reprimands. Mom was irate at me. She's been "understanding" so much, after the first and second pay period that I didn't get my share. But now she has had enough. It's her firm decision to making me stop working. She said I "don't need" my job, so why should I suffer?

She's finding it hard to make both ends meet. She's been lending from many people for my baon, with the promise that when the money comes we'll pay for it. She's having qualms that we have not paid Tiyo Tony and Tiya Juliana yet, and sooner, the two will be babbling about our overdue bill. She has known these people to be acting as such.

She hurriedly went to Tiyo Eddie's, to borrow money for our fare to Danao. We'll go there and she won't let me work.

And speaking of babbles, Tiyo Tony and Tiya Juliana were censuring me on both sides, add up my cousins (their children) who think reprimanding me is a pushover. Worse, they want me to sue the company to the Department of Labor or if not, in one of the radio stations here.

At that moment, I was feeling my heart tightening. I was falling short of breath. It was like a young heart attack. Cardiac arrest took my father's life. God forbid! I turned a deaf ear on all of their castigation, so that I won't be feeling further pain. I went out of the house to gasp some air.

At that moment, I’ve felt that the whole world was on my shoulders, when everyone watches my every move, reprimands all my mistakes, like I’ve done nothing right. I am the worst person there is...

Haven't they thought that I accepted this fate with a little to no complaint, so why can't they? To think, I was also disappointed with the turnout, but I welcomed the challenge. I already had a plan on where to invest my money, but there's not much that I can do. I felt that time's playing with me again. Instead of these people helping me with my burden, they push my head to the sand some more. They've "gone tired" of understanding, that's why they resort to such drastic measures. Haven't they thought that they're just adding fuel to the fire? Haven't they thought that once this issue reaches the public ear, this will greatly taint my image as a student and a future workforce? I may not be able to graduate because the company dropped me off of the training, or the other companies blacklisting me. By then, I don't know what's gonna happen with my lfe. This aftermath is worse than the measly amount I will be getting...

That's why I'm very thankful for Tiyo Eddie for giving me a hand, for letting Mama understand my side. I was overjoyed when Mama held my hand and gave my comforting words. I'm glad that she accepted my fate, and the things that will happen if she let her angst get much of her. She told me to request the company to please hasten up the processing of my salary.

If not for Tiyo Eddie, I may have remained the underdog. I may have let go...