Dilemma: English or No-English?

One of the reasons why I created a blog was to improve myself in written English. But I don't know. I have referred my blog for reading to my classmates, but they hate reading all-English texts. Colloquially, speaking and even reading English make their noses 'bleed.'

One drawback I find when I post is that it takes me a considerable amount of time thinking of the right English words to use. Heck, I always open Dictionary.com to look for more 'better' words than the conventional ones. I've been trying to emulate those savvy writers who use such 'unheard-of' words in a fashion.

I go all-out when writing in my mother tongue. I find it easier for me to think of anything to say, because I'm not barred with any rule. I can freely express myself with less regard on grammar and punctuation. Looking for the right words is no-bother. Yes, it's a much smooth-sailing ride.

I type considerably long posts in Cebuano first, then translate it to English days after. Typing in English impromptu limits the thoughts coming out of me, since I can't readily 'pour it out.' It's no longer surprising that the composition loses some of its thought during the transition. The dilemma of finding the right English word for the original text adds burden to my load. There are times that I feel my blog clinging more to sensationalism than being an honest work-of-thought.

One reason why I write in the universal language is to improve my use of it. But does it have to bar my thoughts of coming out? Does it have to be sensationalized?

I also want people from all walks of life to understand my blog. I want to cater to a much bigger audience, that's why I use written English. But the thought alone of my classmates not reading this, and my blog no bigger than a bit of sand in this open sea, with the 'people from all-walks-of-life' not even knowing about this, how can I serve my purpose? If there's no one to correct you about how to use the language (which is my first goal), then how will you know that you're already doing wrong? Most people fail to realize their mistakes until they're told to by others. Self-motivation is really helpful, but it feels better when you hear it from other people.

Should I break my self-imposed Golden Rule of English?

I don't want to surrender, yet. This is the biggest outlet for me to express my thoughts that the world can understand. And I want to continue my crusade. I am proud that I was able to make it through 20+ posts of all-English texts. Years ago I am even struggling to write even a paragraph in English, let alone its syntax and semantics. This is something that I've never done before. I've already made it this far. I'm not giving up that easily. Sayang ang lahat ng pinagpaguran ko.

There are times that one should learn by himself. I can't force people to read something they don't want.

I don't know. My mind can't come up with a firm decision yet. I have my inner monsters to battle. I hope to be shed some light. This is another dilemma I am again to face on my own.

But at least someone can help me out...